And the Cards get Holliday; the Royals got Guillen's slow feet, often tepid bat, and penchant for the DL

You readers may come to appreciate this. I'm sure it will mean shorter, more focused posts.

I'm having some trouble typing for long stretches. I guess four decades of pounding away at the keyboard have taken a toll. I had to come out of the game behind the plate Thursday night because of it; my able fill-in Tommy (Gunn) Heapes did a fine job in my absence. The boy can still hustle down the line to back up first base. I just try to get in front of the opening to the dugout to prevent a bad throw from turning into two bases. Tommy, by the way, added a triple to his stats on a rocket into the gap.

The pain in my shoulder was substantial, but it was also gone by noon Friday. It's a special kind of pain I've been having for two decades -- it corresponds roughly with the widespread use of the personal computer. It strikes different places -- wrist, elbow, shoulder, sometimes in order and sometimes not.

By the way, I have already heard the joke about how I actually got these pains, so don't bother. Trust me -- it's from doing just what I'm doing now, hunkering over a keyboard, hands flying wildly all over the place. The diagnosis is clear because I also get these pains in my left hand.

So, I'm trying to work my way through some voice recognition software. (If anyone out there has some advice on this, PLEASE share...) I certainly can't use voice recognition for everything, but if I could just take care of the things I type for fun each day, I might be able to stay in the game. To a significant degree, I make my living with words -- I love words -- so I'm taking this seriously.

You'll love what happened the first time I tried to use the software to send an e-mail. I was "writing" about this exact problem. I was telling our skipper, Charlie Hiller, I didn't have a sore arm from throwing; I had a sore arm from something akin to carpal tunnel. The computer wrote: "It is something akin to Carl Hubbell." I could hardly believe my eyes.

I tried it again and again the computer wrote: "It is something akin to Carl Hubbell." So, I guess you could say I have Carl Hubbell syndrome. I don't know if Carl Hubbell had arm trouble.

I e-mailed the skipper because I didn't want him to think I was pulling a Guillen.

Which takes me, finally, to what I started out to say this morning. It was inevitable, wasn't it, that Jose would find his way to the disabled list. Something is simply amiss here. The last two seasons he has been late returning from the All Star break. Last year he may have shown up on time but the report was that he was not feeling up to playing. Television cameras actually caught him apparently asleep on the bench during the first or second game back from the break. This year he didn't show up at all for the first game after the break and within a few days had another public meltdown -- this time, at least, it was a case of self-flagellation. Now he is on the disabled list for the remainder of the season, and possibly until he is released or traded.

This just doesn't pass the smell test.

And, the Cardinals get Matt Holliday. Jeeeeze....

--Lofflin, using my fingertips to write this but I'll let you know later when I first manage to "write" a post by speaking. I'm curious how that will affect my style. And, by the way, I have already tried to find out if the voice recognition software knows my favorite obscenities. It doesn't.