Well, it is very nice to have your birthday remembered, though I wonder where you 2 were 3 years ago when I hit 3-4ths of 1 century old. It is especially nice when I no longer work on the mound for the New York Mammoths or for anyone else for that matter. I do not even do much work here, hiring out what I can of it to neighborhood boys who have never heard of me except for the 20 dollar bills I give them.
I have a friend who is 85. He wakes up each and every morning and says to himself What? Not dead yet? then he gets out of bed and goes about his business for the day. That is how Holly and I live, too.
Many a person has asked me why I have not become a manager like Dutch Schnell. Holly says it is because I am too smart and because I am not a snake. Also, as I wrote in Bang the Drum Slowly, the one thing I learned from Bruce Pearson is that I will rag no man. Now what kind of manager takes such a vow? I will rag no man, I said in that book and I have not done so ever since.
They asked me to come to your city next week and pitch in some sort of old timer's game. I do not think I have anything left in my arm. I cannot imagine working against your George Brett or your Willie Wilson but I would not mind having a man like your Frank White playing second base behind me. I have thought about how nice it would be to pull up the old socks again and button the front of a wool shirt with the word Mammoths on it 1 more time but, then, I have thought 2 more times about it and decided no. Holly said that shows I am too smart to be a manager and I figure she is right.
I do not know about this manager you have in Kansas City. I think Dutch would have a stroke managing your bunch of boys except he is dead already.
Thank you boys for remembering me. Check to make sure your insurance is up to date and keep up the good work.
--Henry "Author" Wiggen