Ole Roy calls in on the Royals, socialism, cable television, NASCAR and Clay Chastain

Well, I've been quiet just a-bout long enough. Problem is, I've been busier with this septic tank than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, so I haven't had a chance to call in. But that don't mean I ain't been thinking.

Something about cleaning out a septic tank that will get you thinking.

Well, let's see here. We got a president moving us closer ever day to socialism. I mean, this ain't supposed to be Russia yet, is it? I go down to steak night at the bar and I got to sit outside under a tent to smoke. They turned off my TV that I watch by rabbit ears out in the shed for no good reason. I always did think this cable thing went two ways you watch TV and they watch you, though I certainly hope that's wrong. And now they want me to turn in my old van for some little eeenieweeeny thing that won't probably carry much more than a couple of bags of groceries. Right. It's voluntary. But for how damned long?

And all I want is to turn on my one TV that does work and watch a ballgame at night you know watch the home team play some ball. And what do I get? I mean, I shop at Wal-Mart but I don't want to watch Wal-Mart baseball. I can go out and watch my grandson play any Saturday if that's the kind of baseball I want to watch. Which I do and which is fine because they're just 12 years old and it don't cost nothin. But here we go walking the bases loaded and the boy on the mound just grooves one to some guy barely hitting his weight and boom a grand slam. Then he grooves one to the next guy and it's in the stands. And I'm thinking, whoa, get that guy out of there but before anybody can move he's put another ball in the stands.

I guess that's why they spent all that money out there. So the fans could catch homeruns.

Well sir, I don't know what to tell ya.

Maybe we could get Clay Chastain to start a petition drive for a new owner. I'd sign that thing. Now here's a Clay Chastain idea that probably nobody's ever tried. Let's plant trees in the outfield. That would provide some shade for the outfielders and give the fans something interesting to watch. I've had the same idea about NASCAR. Let some of the boys go right once in a while. A little two-way traffic would make that sport a lot more fun to watch. I mean when the most interesting thing that happens all afternoon is a bunch of guys dressed like billboards swarming all over a car changing tires, you got to spice things up. I never thought I'd see the day when tire changing was a sport. I just always thought it was something you had to do at the worst possible times like cleaning out a septic tank.

I want to see em make a sport out of septic tank cleaning and put it on ESPN opposite the Super Bowl the way they do figure skating.

I don't know. It's just real frustrating.

I say just far em all and har some new ones.

--Roy